nickelbackthatassup:

don’t trust college kids. I threw a party w plenty of food/drinks shit even weed and I wake up and you know what’s missing? my pineapple. who went to the back of my fridge and said imma take all this pineapple. damn son. take the free alcohol not my pineapple man…

porndirector:

When I get hit on

deanfrost:

at my school there’s an english teacher and an american teacher and they always glare at each other and when they pass each other in the hallway the american teacher will say ‘good show governor’ or something and the english teacher will say ‘god bless the land of the free’ and both in terrible accents and like the whole school ships it